just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Randomize
