I'm so fucking centered right now
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
