i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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