I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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