My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
