In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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