If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
apparently the secret to your success is patron
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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