I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Your cock deserves a montage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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