there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize