he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
