Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
