Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but sheβll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Randomize
