Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
