You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
