could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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