were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
And then the night went full on bisexual.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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