I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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