so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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