At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
