i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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