:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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