I am midnight drunk by noon
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
