Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
