I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
