I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
