I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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