Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
