The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
