bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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