I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
