And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
