I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
10 Things Your Gyno Wants You To Stop Doing To Your Vagina
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
For Some Reason, Boys Are Singing The ‘Halo’ Theme Song In School Bathrooms
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
The adults are the big ones right?