im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.