i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
