Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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