You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Is it because I queefed?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!