i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
