This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.