This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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