Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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