You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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