I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
