I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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