are you so shy because you have an std?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
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I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
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i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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