you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
