I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
