who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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