I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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