i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
