Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
