I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
