i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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