I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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