I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I can't turn off my feet"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
