My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
