i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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