I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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