hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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