This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
