you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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