she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
