i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Every concussion has its silver lining
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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