You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
