Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
