in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
