we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
