I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
