My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
