Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
