He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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