Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
