If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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