I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
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When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
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He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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