We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
