id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
