hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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